Often when we feel pain, it is because we live in fear. And many times we don't even recognise the fear as fear. We're so used to the way we think, speak, and act that it's hard to imagine to be completely free. For example, if you move to a new area, do you do certain things so that you give the 'right' impression to the neighbours? Do you, for example, make sure your garden is pruned? Do you feel you need to be friendlier than ever to give the right impression?.Or perhaps you are afraid to speak your truth with friends and family; perhaps there are things you would like to say but are too afraid to.
And therefore you mince your words and you cover up the real message. Have you ever been in an argument with someone about a minor issue and it suddenly occurred to you that you're not even really expressing what you're upset about? For example, do you argue about silly things with your other half when really the underlying issue is most of the time that you feel you're not receiving the love you expect from him or her?.We are used to behaving in a way that makes our day-to-day leaving comfortable and easy. But that is an illusion. What we really end up doing is not speaking and living our truth. And we're denying ourselves true expression from our heart because we're worried what others might think, what the consequences might be, and that we end up in a situation that's worse than if we just continue 'pretending'.
Recently, a friend asked me for advice. She'd invited a friend of hers around for dinner and her friend wanted to bring another friend. She wasn't comfortable with that and she wanted to spend time alone catching up with her friend. Having spent some time contemplating how to best explain the issue to her friend without hurting him, she asked me how I would approach this subject. My advice was to say exactly what she'd just told me ? to tell the truth from her heart. Explain exactly how she felt and that she was looking forward to a meeting without others, to catch up and to spend some real quality time together.
If we find the courage to speak our truth, the other person will feel this on some level and they will recognise that it's the truth.If you are in a situation where you feel uncertain what to say and how to say it, then just focus on your truth. And speak your truth from your heart with compassion for the other person. That is the best you can do for yourself and the person on the receiving end. How he or she then deals with your message, is no longer your concern.
As long as you speak with compassion from your heart, you have given it the best service possible. If he or she doesn't take it well, it's out of your control. You are not responsible for how other people feel. If we all started taking responsibility for our own feelings, rather than blaming others, we'd be a whole loop further on this planet.This brings me on to the next topic of living your truth.
What if someone says something to you or acts in a way that you find hurtful? Rather than immediately jumping to blame the other person for causing this feeling in you, take a step back. See this as an opportunity for you to grow, to learn a new way of looking at the world that will enable you to live more peacefully. If you really look at what hurt you in those words or actions, you'll most likely find that it's a reoccurring theme. By that I mean that similar messages have hurt you before from the same person or maybe other people.
See this as your opportunity to stop this once and for all!.Realise that anything anyone says or does to you is never a true reflection of you. Nobody can judge you for who you are. Any views expressed by anyone about anything are nothing but their subjective opinion. Imagine you bought a new jumper and someone said to you that they don't like it.
Someone else comes along and compliments you. Who's right and who's wrong? Nobody is right or wrong. These are all just their own subjective views shaped by their own experiences.
Maybe your jumper is green and the person making a negative comment used to have a green jumpers which they got teased for in school. Still hurt by that experience, they don't like any green jumpers, including yours. That doesn't mean your jumper is not nice.
Imagine there's a tree. It's winter and the tree has no leaves. One person might say how depressing it looks without leaves and how bare the branches are. Another person might look at the tree and comment on its beauty, on its perfect growth and all the insects and birds it offers a home to. It is just an issue of individual perception and preference.
There are as many opinions as there are people. And that is all they are ? opinions and expressions of individuals. They are not your truth.Whatever people might think or say or do to you that upsets you, realise that it is just their personal opinion.
That's not an easy concept to grasp but it is something that can free you from a lot of pressure and misery once you let this sink in and understand it on every level. Interestingly, it works the other way too. If you understand this concept, you'll find that compliments don't matter so much either anymore because you know that these too are just personal opinions.Speaking and following through on your truth is so important because it's empowering you to be who you really are. It's as simple as stripping off old layers of wallpaper and finding the pure brickwork underneath, untouched and preserved.
Remember to always speak your truth with compassion. In the beginning you might go to extremes and people might look at you surprised, hurt, confused. Partly because they're not used to you speaking your truth, and partly because you haven't quite fine-tuned the compassionate part in you yet that's aligned with your truth. That will adjust as you continue.One last tip -- start small.
Start speaking your truth with something that you find easy to do, for example, a meal preference or a television programme preference. Then build up gradually until you're able to speak your truth in every moment, no matter how 'big' the issue is that you're dealing with.© Copyright by Uta Roggendorf. All rights reserved..
Uta Roggendorf is a certified IHSC Higher Self Life Coach and Teacher. Her work is to teach people how to be their authentic self and to find inner peace in every moment of their lives. Uta offers teleseminars and one-on-one client sessions.Visit her web site for more information: http://www.authenticawareness.co.
By: Uta Roggendorf